Something's Gotta Give! By Maryanne Comaroto

Once, when I was 11 years old, I peeled off one of my favorite shirts, wadded it up in a ball and gave it to a friend simply because she mentioned how much she liked it (a trend that continues to this day, except now I try and layer my clothes). I could tell she thought I was weird, but I didn’t really care; giving it to her made me feel good. What started as a proclivity quickly turned to an identity, and my life as a giver had begun. By the time I was 18 years old, I had gleaned an essential truth about living a fulfilling and happy life: maintain a generous nature and a sincere desire to serve.

About 10 years later, I learned the shadow of that lesson – that a generous nature and a sincere desire to serve comes with a price. I had carved out a career as a doctor and found myself in a position where saying “no” was a luxury I didn’t think I could afford. How could I say no to working a double shift at the hospital when my 15-year-old patient was dying in ICU because she overdosed on synthetic cocaine? How could I possibly say no to the after-hours call from the mother of an 11-year-old boy hooked on heroin, whose own father was pimping him out for drugs? At the end of the day, my list was long – filled with people who needed me and what I had to give. Never mind that I had severe anxiety attacks, that I was sleep deprived and had no life beyond my commitment to serve. I was proud of my strength and my capacity to give.

After one blood disease, shot adrenals, and a panic disorder later, I learned the hard way that my physical energy was finite, and I decided to climb off the proverbial cross (I heard someone needed the wood). While I took up yoga and dancing and spent more leisure time with my family and friends, it was only after coming face to face with my own needs that I saw things in a different light. I realized that the needs of everyone else were not more important than my own, and that to dream and desire a life beyond what I could do for “you” was not self-indulgence or selfish but necessary for everyone concerned.

At first this was terrifying, I thought I might never get up – or worse that I might never GIVE again. But it wasn’t long before I came to believe the wisdom in the phrase “You cannot give what you don’t have,” and learned to trust the aphorism, The same God that watches over me watches over you.

The next time you find yourself, be you man or woman, young or old, in a position to do so, give – not because you have to, need to, or someone else wants you to, not because you’re obligated or feel guilty or manipulated or are trying to reserve your spot in heaven, but simply because you can. Then ask yourself when you last had a massage, took yourself on a walk, tooled around in your garden, read a trashy novel, or just sat with yourself listening to the beat of your own heart. Take a moment to appreciate the millions of things you have given in this lifetime to get you where you are. Remember to say these words to yourself: “Something’s gotta give to me!”

— Maryanne Comaroto

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Maryanne Comaroto (www.maryannecomaroto.com) is an author, “relationship expert”, personal growth lecturer and motivational speaker, who has appeared on numerous TV and radio shows around the country. A licensed hypnotherapist, Maryanne is the founder of the SHOMI Method, a practice of body-centered self-inquiry. In addition to a private practice, she has been offering workshops for over eight years helping people-primarily women-stop the destructive cycles that keep them stuck in self-defeating behavior.

This article is not legal advice. You should consult an attorney if you have legal questions that relate to your specific divorce.

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